It may seem an odd title for my first post; but, trust me, everything will become clear!
I’m not the first and I definitely won’t be the last. Hell, it’s not even the first time it’s happened to me!
What am I talking about? ... Break-ups.
As relationships go it was a bit of a crazy start and a total whirlwind. We met in a bar in Soho. Until that night we had never met in person, only swapped a few messages over social media. But I thought he was cute. There was a group of us there that night, part of a bigger online social group, so it wasn’t awkward or anything. We had a few drinks and chatted, it was nice. Then during the evening we were posing for photos and I put my arm around his waste, and there it stayed for the rest of the evening. Until I got brave and kissed him. A lot! That was the start of the whirlwind!
When the night ended we went our separate ways, both unsure of what would happen between us next, if anything. With almost 100 miles between us it was always going to be a big ask.
But the following weekend he drove down to see me and we went out for the day. We seemed to have a real connection. Things developed between us pretty quickly from then on. After that day out it was a few weeks before we saw each other again. This time we booked a hotel for the weekend in London. We had very different interests and life experiences, but for some reason it just worked. I was happy. Probably the happiest I’d been in years. We were happy.
Things continued on at a great pace. We soon met each others family and some of each others friends. We’d message day and night, we even timed our lunch breaks at work so that we could chat for a bit. Come Christmas and New Year, we spent a few days with my family immediately after the big day and the rest up with his. Seeing in the New Year, and having my first ever New Years kiss at midnight, with the man I loved was amazing.
Things didn’t seem to slow down either. We would see each other every weekend, as much as possible. One weekend he’d come stay with me and the next I’d be up with him. It wasn’t ideal, far from it. But it worked for us. When it came to Valentine’s I took him on his first ever airplane and we spent a full week together exploring somewhere new, and just being alone together.
We made so many plans. We talked about getting a place together, marriage and even making our own little family together – adopting a couple of dogs! We even knew the breeds we wanted and the names we’d give them.
Unfortunately, the happy little life we were planning wasn’t as happy as I thought. Well, not for him anyway.
Quick disclaimer: I have no ill feelings towards my now ex partner. I still care for him, and I always will.
So what went wrong?
To be perfectly honest, I’m still not 100% sure myself! Last weekend I was due to travel up to see him. All packed and train ticket in hand. But just as I was about to leave, literally five minutes later and I would have been out the door, I get a text asking if he could speak to me. That’s when he dropped the bombshell on me and said not to come up that weekend.
I was floored. I didn’t see it coming. I think I was pretty speechless during most of the conversation. Shellshocked. Devastated. Heart broken .💔
Evidentially he had felt like this for a few weeks, but didn’t have the courage to speak up until now. He was finding the distance too hard, and felt too much pressure to make each and every weekend together as exciting or fun as possible, as that’s all we got together. I guess I can see his point, but we both knew what the distance was from the start. So, to me, it felt very odd that this had suddenly changed.
He wants to remain friends, and we have spoken since. So I guess there is hope that we could still be friends. Time will tell.
So, where do I go from here? Obviously, everyone says I’ll move on and meet someone new. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Who knows? It’s still all very early days. But I know I’ll never forget him and hopefully, given time to grieve, I will look back fondly of our short time together. For now, I’m single. Back to where I was before. Alone.